Live upward, inward and outward!
This is even a longer day…
I received an expected email from Prof. jane Simpson, who asked to meet her amd Prof. Hannah up on Wednesday. I got so nervouse because their project is hard and when I looked at their profiles, they are actually huge. I also aytended today the info session with Susy and took photos with Ghina and Bes.
Thursdays are always full. And I thank God for it. I may not always express this in this blog but I am really grateful to God for all these blessings. I am so fortunate to be sitting in the lectures of these published professors: Prof. Wayan, master of LFG syntactic theory; prof Manuel, editor of Australian Ling Society journal (no wonder I only got 74 last sem in one of his assignments); and prof Catherine, Director of Sydney Speaks and whose papers have been cited more than 1k+ times in the field of sociolinguistics. I am fortunate to just ask these people questions whenever. Makes me excited every day and motivated. And I got to listen to Dr. Catherine herself about the nuts and bolts of publication. God, I know you are preparing me. Let’s do this.
Dinner with Allie, Karla and Luchi at Nando’s before watching Deadpool 2 at Dendy’s Canberra Centre!
Yesterday, I got a 90 for a research proposal I did for two days, I even handed it in late. Now, imagine submitting that to a linguist, who published articles in journal? It feels good to be honest, and it absolutely feels good to get it out of my chest. But I just don’t have the courage to say that and to let others know. It’s not only that, I realised I’m dumbing down myself. For example, my friend told me she got 86 in another course, but she got 95, 95, 98 in the previous assessments. One of her classmates told me that the professor was rather lenient in that class. And even if I didn’t know if someone has higher than my score, I told her, “but most of them are higher than 90!”. The heck? Why did I lie? Why did I lie that many of my classmates have higher scores when I don’t know? and I never told her that the prof was a strict grader in that course? She’s witholding information to lift herself up while I witheld information to dumb myself down. I also lied to a classmate in that course, telling her I didn’t get an HD. Why? I have been thinking about that all day yesterday.
Voice: What do you do when you feel you’re stuck in a rut? Do you stop and let it be? Do you allow it, and pitch camps? Do you want to go forward?
Me:I think moving forward is the best way.
Voice: Why are you scared to accept where you are now? It is far from what you want to be?
Me: Yes, it’s not what I envision myself to be. Everything has become silent. IT’s deafening. The more I push the wall in front of me, the more I get hurt, scratch my palms, the more I understand that I do not power over the wall. I canno
Voice: Yes, so what do you do if there’s a wall? You go around it! You don’t push it, you are yourself. You just go around it or climb over it. You don’t have to push it, climb over it! You don’t have to expect a sudden change, you slowly put your right foot in the wall, and place your left hand on a sturdy rock on the wall. It’s gonna be difficult, it may be long, but soon enough you’ll get past through that wall. Again, you feel satisfied, but remember you have to go down, to humble yourself and accept that whatever accomplishment you may feel on top at the moment is not exactly the reason why you started climbing the wall.
Rest, but you have to go down and start a new liberating journey. You don’t have to push the wall, it’s going to be difficult. Stop pointing everything wrong in your life. Instead, choose to choose the best way you think you could move past that hurdle. No need for bantering, no need for overthinking. Just do something, a little something is better than doing a big act you can’t even maintain. You can use a ladder or leverage other people. Anything. As long as you do something. Instead of looking at the wall and saying, “That’s a huge wall”. Does thinking day in and day out change the wall or lift you up? Nope. At some point, you gotta do something about it. Climb over it or go around it! There’s always that small step that you can take. Don’t pitch camps there. Don’t. That’s the reason why you get stuck at present.
You asked why I turned down the Phil Sci Academic Writing teacher’s position, and chose to work for
a this private company.
P iles of emails and mounds of meetings
E xtroverted introvert environment, and the
R ight to control rest in the midst of busyness
But that’s not it.
I t is the job’s sometimes rapid-snailed and other times steady-flicked pace
Its rather systematic-creative approach, and the breadth and width of potential learning available, mostly strewn and presented in fixed formulae
In other words,
O xymorons that
D azzle me. Period.