Day 4: Confident in God Bible Reading Challenge

 

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Day 3: Confident in God Bible Reading Challenge

 

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Day 2: Confident in God Bible Reading Challenge

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Confident in God Bible Reading Challenge Day 1


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Confident in Christ Bible Reading Challenge

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I declared the year 2017 as the year of surprises. However, around first week of March, I declared to God I will use up all my energy, dedicate my time and effort in building my relationship with him. I admit that for the past years, I was so concerned with other less important matters: 2014= MA, 2015 =Fulbright 2016 = PCN, Job search, worrying 2017 = JOB that I almost forgot how important it is to journal on a daily basis, reflect on the bible, spend hours in prayer morning and evening.

I watched in one of the videos on Facebook this very salient point to success: measure your success with your relationships: God, Family, Church Community. Hence, these won’t take up last position in my life anymore. Just this week, after my ardent plea for answers, God helped me clarify what I really wanted in life. I realized that I wanted to fulfill my long-time vision of being a missionary abroad while earning on the side, having great wealth to take care of my family and the communities I care about: children, the old and the lost.  This week, I realized that I don’t want to marry. But again, it’s up to God. There’s a longing in my heart that needs to be filled. His goodness allowed me to try all the occupation I’ve all wanted to embark on, probably to make me see that it’s being a missionary that will satisfy me the most. Imagining that at age 30, I will be traveling around the world, preaching the good news, changing lives while vlogging, blogging, earning through my passive income streams and providing for my parents and building my dream orphanage and home for the aged.

My life becomes intentional when I began clarifying this goal. So for the first five years, remaining five years I will build an empire, learn the skills I need, lose weight, save up, train, and finish my PhD to prepare.

In the meantime, I will join several challenges to strengthen my relationship with Jesus.

The first is this Confident in Christ Bible Reading Challenge. 🙂

 

 

 

 

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In the Hospital of 2001: Memoir Part 2

They took me to Marbel Doctor’s Hospital one afternoon. I remember barely seeing anything except the blurry vision of my mama and papa as they held me tight. The high fever started a week ago, but the rashes only occurred in the morning. On our way, I vomited into a red bag in Uncle Renat’s van twice already and to a 10-year-old high spirited kid, it was horrible. I wanted to go back home and watch Voltes V on the TV with my siblings, play paper dolls – those sailormoon drawings made of paper which you can dress up using paper-made dresses, and make up stories in my head while I hold the two paper dolls together.

Arriving at the hospital was harder, I couldn’t move my head because a slight flip would make me dizzy again and vomit afterwards. Thankfully, none of that happened as they put me into the wheelchair and pulled me to the Emergency Room.

As I lay there, I noticed my mama crying. I remember her asking me what type of room I want to have, and what food I want to eat. None of that mattered. I knew something was wrong. I heard my papa leaving when I began to drift, and I recalled them talking they need Uncle Robert’s blood. I might not have understood the processes, but I was perfectly well aware I need blood. And needing blood transfusion, the way I usually see in telenovelas, mean my life is about to end.

To add to that, the nurses struggled finding my veins to start putting on the dextrose because my hands were flabby. It must took them an hour, or maybe I overestimated time because 5 minutes in that room felt like the quadruple of the reality. When they’re finished, I was rested in a suite room on the new building.

I did not know a hospital could be a happy place.

It had restroom, cabinet, fridge and tv (yaaay).

At that age though, I remembered praying for the first time on my own without my parents’ constant badgering. “I-save ko Kuya Jesus if you’re real. Maging buot ko nga bata, Promise. (Save me Jesus if you’re real. I’d be a good kid. Promise)”

Although my feeling did not get better the next day, my situation did. My platelet count became stable, so they wouldn’t need to transfuse blood.

The announcement made my mama cry again.

Only after two days that my feeling got better, it was then I knew God answered my prayer.

My sister once told me even if my eyes were closed off I would tell her, “Binli niyo ko pagkaon. (Leave me some food)” Even at such excruciating situation, I couldn’t get my mind off food. Dr. Feliprada, my physican, would often do her rounds daily and find me either sitting on my bed or on the chair watching TV while eating- always eating. They’re food that I couldn’t still consume, but my mama would often say I found my refuge in food, no matter what it was. I was certain I looked forward to mama coming to the hospital at 5:30 from work because she always brought chicken barbecue or Jollibee (now Jollibee becomes a food).

Aside from food, I found solace in TV. We did not have many channels yet at home, so we depended on GMA and ABS for fun. The stay in the hospital allowed me to watch animes from AXN and from other channels for long hours without mama or papa yelling at the background.

I never thought the hospital could be a happy place, or maybe it became one because of my first encounter with God.

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I shared this because it was my first answered prayer and the beginning of my growing faith and our budding relationship. Whenever people ask me why I believe in God, I would often say it isn’t much about what the bible says, what the church teaches, what my parents preach but it has always been experiencing Him in my life.

Our relationship with God can be likened to our relationship with a restaurant.

Seeing a restaurant and hear people appreciate how great the customer service is, or how different and delicious their food is cannot make the restaurant a personal reality for a person. It’s for this reason that people want to try that new Japanese restaurant and check if their Teriyaki is really different, or visit a new Italian café to fully understand why people go crazy over their grilled chicken pasta. It’s only when you experience that you 100 percent believe and love it without having to explain it.

Did I end up being true to my promise? H*** no. I bragged, made my parents cry, insulted people, hurt (physically, verbally) people, yelled at God, cursed God, cursed people. I was a beast. With my bipolar personality, I struggled all my life. I got better eventually, but I still get up every day hoping I woudn’t be the same awful person.

But this story isn’t about me, it’s about God’s faithfulness amidst my unfaithfulness.

And based on my experience with Him, He isn’t like any other. He does not retaliate, does not curse, does not hate. He always stays true to His promise. I’m certain it’s only God that doesn’t change.

If God continued to love me amidst my imperfections, then you could be pretty certain he would embrace you totally.

Trust Him, not the people who constantly judge you.

Trust His heart, not the leaders and preachers whose priorities  and personalities change.

Trust His care, not even your parents who will leave you someday.

*More Miracle Stories to Come*

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Just Another Creepy Story

Side note: Never thought I still have these really old poems (I am not even sure if I patterned these after other poems I fancied back in 2005). I still cringe whenever I read them, but I guess reading them once in awhile can retrain me that the possibilities with words are infinite; so penning every thought without concern for a public audience can count more than a writer’s perfectionism, pride and paranoia that so often create the most sacred pieces.

Yep, not that perfectionist writer, so… hahahahahahahaha!

This is cringy, funny, bizarre in a way, so I’d appreciate if you read it through the end.

 

 

She was the Heart of the Night

 She was the heart of the night.

She wore a glistening green dress that made the men woo in delight.

Her menacing mien captivated them especially Sherwin Shun.

Sherwin Shun whom she liked least and loved last among her classmates for

He was stout, skunk, snob and strange!

 

“She was the heart of the night.”- Sherwin held alone in his deepest

Recesses. He asked her to dance on such bright evening for prime hearts.

She replied with dazzling smile, “Screwed, Sherwin Shun. Shun me please. Hate to see

Your big belly and hate to feel your bizarre brashness.

You are stout, skunk, snob and strange!”

 

She was the heart of the night.

She believed. And so she turned down an awful man with delight.

Poor Sherwin Shun shunned by such lovely lass.

He walked away and stood at the side of the dancing and prancing hall.

Anger enamoured him when he saw her swaying with another man.

 

She was the heart of the night.

Sherwin Shun continued to think. Deep wanting to feel and touch her innermost.

He waited and waited for hours to see such moment come.

He saw her coming with her glistening green dress that made him woo in delight.

He approached her lovely beauty and offered her a ride. To this she said yes.

 

She was the heart of the night.

Everyone rumoured. That made all women desire no more to come to that

Evening of prime hearts. Her body was bruised and battered. Her innermost battered.

Indeed she was the heart of the night.

Everyone thought but never thought it could be Sherwin Shun…

 

Revelations of Sherwin Shun

By Xenon

 She was the heart of the night.

She wore a glistening green dress that made the men woo in delight.

Her menacing mien captivated them especially me,

Sherwin Shun whom she liked least and loved last among her classmates for

I was stout, skunk, snob and strange!

 

I can never be the heart of the night.

Though I was the one who held the knife and slashed their heart of the night.

How lovely it was been to be soaked with blood in the evening of heart.

Now, I knew I was not only stout, skunk, snob and strange

But I was also mad…mad…and mad…

 

 

It was only I who kept the secret behind the lie

It was only I who know the truth and so I lie

How lovely it was to feel that nobody thought I can be him

Now, I knew people can be deceived easily

For they are all fools…fools and fools…

 

Would you listen and care to hear the truth behind?

Or would you rather bury the tragedy and keep everything fine?

Nevertheless, I’ll tell you how and why

How lovely it was been to be soaked with blood of the heart of the night.

Now, I knew I enjoy much

So prepare for I’ll come…come and come

 

Hold your breath and listen closely as I narrate everything so you’ll see;

I tore her glistening green dress in our ride to the city crest

And so while the evening was at its peak in the middle of the evergreen

I grabbed the opportune time and relished her, her every part

Woo, I wooed in delight.

While she screamed…screamed and screamed.

 

I slapped her as hard as I could to stop such awful creek;

After a minute or two, she halted as I continued.

I thought I was satisfied but I was not;

An inner voice kept urging me to hold the knife and slash her with might

Which I did with delight that made me woo.

While she pleaded…pleaded and pleaded.

 

 

I yelled at her and continued with might;

Her innermost battered, destroyed which I enjoyed.

Woo, I wooed in delight;

Thus brought satisfaction and light.

I was not contented and so I looked for another bigger knife;

And chopped…chopped and chopped.

 

Like a pig I butchered her with might that brought me delight;

“You are the heart of the night, you say?” I reminded with resentment.

I left with light that brought life.

Life is given once and once it’s taken;

You can never take it back.

So prepare…prepare and prepare.

 

Underestimation, avoid such for if you do you’ll suffer thus

I might be stout, skunk, snob and strange

But what she suffered was worst

For her words brought her fate as thus

Like a butchered pig she became thus-

Stout, skunk, snob and strange.

 

But as I enjoyed my light away from the night

I started to cry when my wristwatch I no longer can find;

The only evidence that brought me in this trial night.

Prepare… Prepare and Prepare

For this is not the end, I swear.

 

 

_taken from the message of Sherwin Shun during the trial_

 

 

poor language, but well – something you don’t always get a taste of. Hahaha!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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