Photo Journal #190: November 15, 2014 (Saturday)/No More

I felt undermined, underestimated and humiliated today. [Mapapayat ka sinang PhD mo?] I will never forget this day, this line and the one who said it. I will always remember him. No doubt, he does not like me because all this time, the woman I trusted was feeding him wrong information about me. I want to shout to the world that I am not doing my best to be efficient and effective to compete with people. I am doing this because it’s me… It’s who I am. It’s just part of my system and I know it’s my responsibility. Every time I do something to the best of my capability, I imagine Jesus smiling and telling me, “well done, Kim”. You do not know anything about it and so you judge me. But I really do not understand why people can hate another because she has many goals. I could have understood that if I was stepping on them to get ahead but I wasn’t, am not and will never. “no more. not anymore. enough”. I won’t listen to anyone of you anymore. People told me once I was frank and so, I changed. Others said, I was bossy… Now, I’m trying not to command anyone. Many commented, I was an attention seeker, so now I don’t recite much. Everyone hated me because I was speaking English all the time. Now? honestly? i hate that language. I was always listening to people and shed buckets of weeps because I know I was trying hard to reset everything. I am not a robot. These new people in my life didn’t even see that bossy, loud, frank, overconfident, perfectionist me who did not know how to smile, listen and emphatize with people. They saw a new Kayla but still, the tags never left. I am still the competitive one. Well…enough. Sorry, I won’t listen to you anymore. I know, someday I will look back at this moment and say, “I’m glad I didn’t listen to them”. Since when did setting goals become a sin? Crabs!!! God is with me and so, I can. November 15, 2014- Trust was broken but my trust in God and myself was strengthened. November 15-I will always remember you everytime I jog, dance, study, eat, pray and everytime I feel like giving up. November 15.




About kaylathetheoxenophile

Hi everyone! I’m kayla. This is my first attempt to share my thoughts through blogging. Got lots of exploring to do. Don’t even know where to start and what to say. To start the ball rolling, allow me to share with you some of the fallacies about Kayla Marie Sarte. 1. Writing is just not my line. Although most considered me as a creative writer, I doubt I have that knack. I’m direct to the point. My essays are straight. As long as I get the message across then that’s fair enough for me. 2.I’m not a walking encyclopedia, got that? How funny it is to be asked by some bunch of kiddos bout tons of stuffs I don’t know or even have heard. Worse? They expect me to answer their queries in a snap. Good thing, I can always find the usual “busy” excuse to elude their endless questions. 3. You just don’t know how pain in the ass reading is to me. I always record the days I spend reading and do my best to keep the pace. Yeah, I’m a literature major but it’s uhmm, …. Except for required readings in my literature classes in the class, I haven’t truly deal with literary works personally. Good heavens, I found John Grisham and Dean Koontz – my all time faves. (In my later posts, I’ll be sharing my thoughts bout their books.) 4. One thing I found truly bleak about me is my loved for movies. I don’t like cinematography or even crave like Glenn Ortiz to be the Steven Spielberg of this race. I just enjoy watching movies on the big screen. That’s all. So, it’s a fallacy that I like cinematography… just the movies. 5. Call me braggart, arrogant. Many think so because of the achievements I gained in the past aching yet meaningful 15 education years of my life. What they don’t know is how negative and perturbed, covered with worries, stressed I am most of the time. No matter how great the laurel I get, I always look back at the failurs I’ve been through in the past. So, that goes to mean, I don’t think highly of myself or consider my awards that much. Top 3 things about me: 1. A Theophile 2. A Xenophile 3. Just Kayla Marie B. Sarte That’s all for now. You’ll get to know more about me soon and about the project 2012 that led me to explore blogging. J One thing is certain for me though, I love who I am for I am fashioned the way I fit exactly in a large mosaic we are all in. Be happy. Live life according to God’s will. – Kayla Sarte
This entry was posted in 365 Photos Journal, Lessons, Musings and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s